The 5 Most Embarrassing Moments From 'Steven Seagal: Lawman'

Taken from the always excellent comedy website, Cracked.com. Bravo!


Click here for more information on Steven Seagal: Lawman.

The Final Option

I have this Snes ROM if anyone wants it. It's absolutely hilarious!

EXCLUSIVE NEWS!!!

Steven Seagal has signed up to play the lead role in the Mike Reid biopic, currently known as 'Franks Revenge'.

Details are a bit hazy at the moment but watch this space for any further 'EXCLUSIVE' news.


* This is obviously complete B.S, I was just getting tired of posting links to other peoples exclusive movie news and wanted a piece of action for myself.
** Please don't sue me Mr Seagal!

Steven Seagal back on the big screen?

Oh wow, massive thanks to my friend Baz for pointing this out to me.

Steven Seagal may possibly return to cinemas in the 2010 Robert Rodriguez film, Machete.

Machete started its life as a fake teaser trailer at the beginning of Planet Terror (Grindhouse). Since its screening, the trailer generated a huge amount of interest amongst moviegoers, it was only a matter of time before it was adapted into a full length feature film.

The trailer starred the awesome Danny Trejo as a machete wielding tough guy on a blood-fueled trail of revenge.

Seagal has been making mediocre DTV (direct to video) films for ages now. Hopefully if the rumours are true this could mark his triumphant return to the big screen, perhaps in the same light as Mickey Rourke's recent success, and reboot his career.

Here's the article, I hope it all happens!

SEAGAL!!!

(click on image to enlarge)

A funny Steven Seagal story

This is hilarious and apparently true, it comes from a good source.

Once upon a time on the set of a Steven Seagal action film, the main man Seagal was boasting at how extremely awesome and tough he was and that no one could ever choke him. Up for a challenge his stunt double (a judo master) steps in, seconds later Seagal is passed out on the floor.

However this wasn't the end of his shameful embarrassment, oh no! Mr Seagal had unfortunately not been to the toilet that day and the sudden loss of consciousness had a tragic effect with his bowel control. You get the general picture.

I like to think he didn't bring any spare clean underwear and I also like to think something like this happens on ALL his films hence why he always walks like a complete tool!

10 Scenes of Brutal Violence Guaranteed to Make You Laugh

The above scene is from Cracked.com's hilarious recent poll '10 Scenes of Brutal Violence Guaranteed to Make You Laugh'.

Included in the top 10 is a bullet proof Gary Busey (funnily enough from the film 'Bulletproof' - DVD now on order!) and an ultra violent Steven Seagal who kills a man three times (yes thats right, the same man three times!). Clips of these scenes are available to watch on the site too.

Its awesome, go check it out!

New UK publicity law

I heard today on the BBC Breakfast News that a new law will be introduced in the UK in respect of review exerts found on movie/theatre posters, DVD boxes and the like. The kind of reviews that say "Best film ever" or "I cried with laughter", some of these are either taken way out of context from the original review or sometimes completely made up.

For instance, "I cried with laughter" could have been taken from "...this film was so awful I cried with laughter".

Penalties for using reviews out of context or fake reviews could result in a two year prison sentence!

I know this won't happen but just imagine if the publishers used genuine and brutally honest review exerts, that could be a laugh.
(click on the picture)

Crap DVD's to watch whilst drunk

Here's a tip, an obvious one really on how to enjoy the worst of the worst DVD's;

1: Be in the company of good friends
2: Enjoy many alcoholic beverages
3: Don't take what you're watching too seriously

I recently spent a couple of nights watching some god awful DVD's collected (voluntary and involuntary) over time, with my good friend Dez.

Here's some of the discs we watched, leaving out the 'good' ones.



Michael Winslow's Comedy Sound Slapdown (2002); Ever wanted to watch someone have a nervous breakdown live on stage? Now you can! Formally the sound effect wizard from the Police Academy movies, Winslow hasn't really progressed much doing many of his old impressions, most of which are really dated now. Apparently Winslow went to school with most of the wrestlers from WWF, Cheech & Chong, Jimi Hendrix, the one-armed drummer from Def Leppard and Darth Vader! The dvd sleeve states Winslow performs over 10,000 sound effects, an impressive feat if true considering the shows only 59 minutes long (thats one sound effect just under every 3 seconds). We lost interest after the first two impressions so can't really comment.



Hell Comes To Frogtown (1987); Sam Hell (played by wrestler 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper) is some sort of sex offender, captured by the government and sent into the mutant occupied Frogtown to free some captured babes, which he has to then impregnate to repopulate the world! How anyone ever decided, 'yes, that sounds like a good film idea. sign me up' is beyond me but it was surprisingly entertaining.


Attack Force (2006); Oh dear, poor Steven Seagal. Once upon a time he was Warner Brothers golden child making guaranteed hit films such as Under Siege and... er, Under Siege 2 but has fallen into the 'straight to dvd' category. Unfortunate for Seagal he's contractually obliged to make these awful films having signed a horrible Sony contract. Seagal would rather be performing with his blues band 'Thunderbox', something he feels passionate about. Anyway, back to the film. Now overweight and uninterested, Seagal spends the majority of his time in this film sitting down, talking in his best Don Corleone voice. Well, its Seagals voice for about 50% of his scenes, he's dubbed for the other half in a voice not even close to his own. When there is any action its usually involves the younger, eastern European cast of unknowns. The story seems to have been made up whilst they filmed it as I found it impossible to follow, can the alcohol be blamed for that? Apparently not according to this article found on the Ain't It Cool website. I feel sorry for the guy although we did have quite a laugh at Seagal's expense.